The Hardest Part Of This
by LadyLuck66
Summary: MCR-My Chemical Romance. Something is wrong with Gerard. Can you figure out what it is? Mild Waycest, one-shot. R&R.


**A/N: I do not own any of the characters in this story. The only thing I own is the plot. So...yeah. Enjoy. xo**

**Gerard P.O.V**

I yawned.

It was nearing midnight, and I hadn't slept in what seemed like days. I couldn't help it though, could I? Not when simply breathing caused intense, sharp pains to shoot across my chest, like someone trying to dig my heart out with a blunt knife. I turned my body to the right slightly, oh, ever so slightly. Still, the pain. Burning away my cancer-ridden lungs, fire down my throat. Regret. I'd been so fucking stupid. 34 years old, not 24. I had a wife, a kid, a band, an entire life. And I'd just thrown it away. So fucking stupid. I sighed painfully, and tried to calm my anger. I felt my eyes start to droop, and I wearily fell asleep, as the sound of a heart monitor beeped incessantly in the ward next to mine.

**Mikey P.O.V**

My fingers hovered over the keyboard, shakily. What do I say, what am I supposed to tell them? Why _me, _why not Frank or Ray? Goddamn it. I slammed my fingers on the keyboard hard, half expecting an explanation as to why we'd cancelled the tour to suddenly appear on the screen in front of me. How could we possibly tell them, the fans, the people who'd been waiting months, years even? Gerard had wanted to tell them the truth. The real reason. I sighed and closed my eyes, remembering his exact words.

"_Listen to me" Gerard said, in between coughs. He was leaning against the wall of the dressing room breathing deeply and slowly, like he'd just run a mile. "Don't lie about it. Don't even hide the facts. I want the fans to know why I can't-" He coughed heavily, putting his hands on his knees for support. It was at this point that I took a good look at my brother. His greasy red hair hung limply around his face, and under his eyes were deep purple bruises, which only highlighted his sallow complexion. I frowned when I looked at his body, hunched over and pointy. He looked so small, so fragile; it broke my heart to know than I could fix it, but only in death. I stepped closer to him, just to touch him, to know he was still the same person he had always been. He stopped coughing, and shakily lifted his head to look me in the eyes. "Come on" He stuttered. "We have a show to put on". _

I opened my eyes and stood up. This could wait. I grabbed my keys and headed out the front door, not bothering to lock it. Everything could wait. I got in my car. Maybe, I thought to myself, maybe Gerard will know what to do. I felt so confused, so...heartbroken. I didn't want to tell the fans, because...because I didn't want to believe it myself. I couldn't, I didn't dare to. I drove a little faster, wanting to get to the hospital as quickly as I could. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening" I thought to myself. I drove faster, exceeding the speed limit. I didn't care. I needed to get to him, to feel his touch, to hear his voice, to know he was _okay_. I had to accept it. My brother had lu- "SHIT!" I shouted, as I passed a speed camera. I glanced behind me, not bothering to slow down. I felt the car hit the curb, and turned back round, to realised I'd driven onto the pavement. I looked around frantically. No one in sight. Phew. It was, after all, nearly midnight. I wrestled the car back onto the road, and sped up, biting my lip, and bouncing my leg. I thought of Gerard, and how he'd be feeling. Scared? Anxious? Lonely, missing me, like I missed him every fucking day? I'd been so tied up, talking to Frank and Ray about the future of the band. I missed him, I needed him. I loved him. How would I feel when, no, _if _he died? A tear trickled down my cheek and I tried to push the thought from my mind, but it kept bouncing back, harder and more painful every time. I glanced at the time. 12.03am.

**Gerard P.O.V**

I woke with a start, and looked at my surroundings, frantically. Then, with dismay, I remembered where I was. What had woken me up? I lifted my wrist groggily, and looked at the expensive watch Frank had bought me. Maybe they'll bury me in it? I thought, with a bitter laugh. 1.21am. I turned sharply, as I heard snatches of a frantic conversation in the distance.

"...organ donor..."

"...car crash..."

Just your typical hospital conversation, I thought. I breathed in slowly, painfully, and hummed Summertime to myself, until I drifted off into a deep sleep.

**Around 10 hours later-11.52am**

"...come on..."

"...please..."

"...Gerard..."

I wearily opened my eyes, and breathed in slowly, cautiously. Someone was sitting beside me, on the usually empty chair that stood beside my bed.

"Come on, Gerard, wake up, please. I, I love you, man I-" The voice stopped, obviously realising I was awake. I turned and stared up at the man beside me, his hands clasped together, his eyes watering, looking like he hadn't slept for days. Frank. "Thank god! I didn't know...worried sick...Ray...Mikey..." He babbled, obviously struggling to get his words out. He closed his eyes, calming himself. "Gerard, you're going to be okay."

"I...I..." I tried to speak, but I was cut off by a sob rising up my throat. Frank smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and choked out,

"They...they found someone. A matching lung donor..."

I breathed in sharply, and let out a loud sob. I...I was going to be okay..?

"Ssshh..." Frank whispered, stroking my hair. "It's all better now." He bit his lip.

I looked at him, at his tired face, and smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Is it?" I whispered. Frank looked down, and shook his head.

"It's Mikey..."

"What about him?" I asked frantically, trying to sit up.

"He's the lung donor" Frank said miserably, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

**11 hours and 49 minutes earlier-12.03am**

**Mikey's P.O.V**

...how would I feel, when, when- a tear trickled down my cheek and I tried to push the thought from my mind, but it kept bouncing back, harder and more painful every time. I glanced at the time. 12.03am...

Faster, I urged the car. Trees and houses flickered past, like an old movie. The clock ticked on, incessantly. I griped the steering wheel, and-

A sudden blinding light shone in front of me.

I couldn't see the road, couldn't see the pavement, and couldn't see the car that hit mine at the speed of 70mph. My car hit the wall, at the same speed, and toppled over, with a crunch that could only be bones breaking. Blackness. Compared to the light, it was calming almost. Throbbing. In my head, down my legs. Blood. My blood. On the windscreen, on the floor, on the pavement, on my body. Eyes, opening. Body...functioning? I tried to lift my head. Searing agony that seemed too unrealistic to be true. Hanging, I was hanging upside down. The car was upside down. I panicked and breathed in frantically, moaning in agony, screaming in fear of what was about to come. My hair dripped something warm and wet and splashed into my mouth.

Gerard, why can't you hear me screaming? Come down and save me, help me, make the pain go away. It hurts so much. Gerard, you're the only thing I need, I can see you now, you're here, touching me, telling me it's going to be okay. You're kissing me, stealing my breath from me. You're the last thing I see, as I slip into a slumber from which I never awaken.


End file.
